I literally get hundreds of texts and calls. I can’t respond to everyone who writes me. I know most of you are serious, but I get the occasional pranksters and self-righteous cranks, which doesn’t make it any easier. If I can connect, I’ll respond. I am not likely to respond a week or so later because most guys are connecting in the moment. I am not going to respond that I’m unavailable or I’ll get back to you later. It should be obvious that I’m not available.

And when I do finally respond, the wrong reaction is something like. “It’s about time”.

Why don’t you pick up the phone?

I rarely pick up if your name is not in my phone. If I haven’t met you before, I won’t have your name, so it’s not likely I’ll pick up the phone.

Why don’t you call me back?

If your name is not in my phone, it’s not likely I’ll call you by phone. I prefer text.

Why don’t you text me back?

I prioritize those with names. If I am running an ad, I’ll respond to new texts responding to and mentioning the ad AFTER I’ve gone through the names I know. Even if you sent a text a week ago, I am not going to scan back in my history because I don’t know if you are still interested and available. If you respond to my ad, your text will float to the top and I’ll see that you’ve texted before.

Why don’t you reply to my email?

Although I read my email, it’s the last thing I look at—and I don’t look at it every day. The only thing less likely to get a response is snail mail.

I submitted a screening form, why haven’t you responded?

The screening form is a way for me to capture information about prospective dates. It gives me a point of reference to decide whether to respond or not. Just because I don’t respond right away, it doesn’t mean you haven’t passed—although it could. More likely, I just haven’t gotten back to you.

The screening form is not a scheduling calendar. I wish it was. It would be nice if it was like in a doctor’s or dentist’s office or a hair stylist and you just picked an open slot, but it’s not that easy—especially if I haven’t screened you.

I’ve you’ve got so little free time, why do you have time to make blog posts?

Writing blog posts allows me to communicate to more people at once, so I try to post at least once a week especially when I feel I need to address something like this.

I am thinking of writing more FAQs to respond to Frequently Asked Questions. This is one of the biggest topics.

FAQ: Why don’t you answer?

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3 thoughts on “FAQ: Why don’t you answer?

  1. First, no one has any inalienable right to see you. If you ain’t got time then you ain’t got time. They’ll get over it… or they won’t but either way that’s not your problem. Second, there are other ladies out there. This isn’t a monopoly and there are choices.

    For me, if you’re not available I’m really okay, I can wait. I actually read your posts pretty regularly and I get a sense of things, I don’t want to add any stress to your life or make you feel like you have to squeeze me in (haha, squeeze me in). I’ll get there to see you again soon though 😉

  2. Thanks. Well said. It’s not like I want to turn down business, but that’s the same for any professional. I’m sure even a doctor would like to be billing 24 hours a day. It’s just not possible. In most cases, it’s nothing personal. If it is personal and you’re on my shit list, you know that, too. 😉

  3. Glad I took the time to read this one again. While not getting a response (immediately or otherwise) is frustrating, I understand why. As long as you don’t get mad, I’ll keep on texting until we can set up an appointment.

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