So this happened. An odd review. A mixed review. I could leave it well enough alone because almost no one pays for Erotic Monkey memberships, so no one will actually be able to read it, but I want to talk about it anyway.

I don’t mind honest reviews. Even if they are bad, and I’m not sure if this is honest, some sort of composite, or fake. Like a detective, I think I have enough evidence to suspect.

Erotic Monkey splits reviews into General Information and The Juicy Details. In the old days you could see General Information without paying and The Juicy Details were reserved for paying members. Now, everything is hidden except if the provider comes up in a search, in which case you can see the first few 66 characters. It used to be that you could get a free two-week membership for leaving a review (or maybe it was two), but it’s been a while since that was a thing.

For this review, the non-paying guys sees this:

One day I was just interested enough (okay horny and desperate) to… more

From my perspective, this is off to a bad start—someone would have to be desperate to see me. There’s no accounting for taste, but if it’s who I think it is—more on that later—, he’s seen me a half-dozen times since September, when this version of the review most matches what could have happened. Let’s continue.

One day I was just interested enough (okay horny and desperate) to TOFTT.

I’ve already hit in the desperate comment. Past the non-member teaser, he is claiming to take one for the team. Before this review, I’ve got 33 others on Erotic Monkey. TOFTT is for unknown quantities, not for a provider with way more than an average number of reviews—most of them excellent. I’m not sure what team he’s talking about. And since General Information is no longer public, what’s the point?

Not sure that I’d return, but might do it in a pinch and for a little less money.

Like I said, I’ve seen this guy a half-dozen times since September. I guess he could be in a pinch, as he says, but he’s not getting any discounts. Maybe he’s paying for less time. I don’t really keep track of that. Here are his Juicy Details.

She has some rules about people before she meets them.

Yes, I do.

We scheduled for the next day.


I called the next morning to confirm while I was driving.


I think she just woke up and was surprised I was on my way to her in 15 minutes.

Probably so.

A moment later she called back and asked me to stop at the store to pick up a box of covers which I did.

Here’s the first piece of solid evidence about the author. I have only once ever asked a guy to pick up condoms. I still have the text, so that’s how I know it was September 2020. It’s not that I didn’t have any. It’s that I prefer Skyn condoms. They are thinner, made of silicone, and feel better for the guy. Some of the other ones are rougher, dry out my pussy, and take away sensation from your cock, so they create friction for me and frustration for you.

Skyn Condoms

When I finally arrived and entered her room, she definitely appeared that she just woke up since her hair may have just been wetted down with no make up.

I can’t remember not wearing any make-up. Maybe, I was just waking up and didn’t have time with only 15-minutes to prepare. I never wet down my hair. I have no idea what this even means. I guess I could have taken a quick shower. I don’t recall, but wetting down my hair is not a thing for me. I think that’s a thing for people with really short hair, and that’s certainly not me.

Nonetheless, with just a t-shirt on, she was definitely the girl in the pics and looked quite yummy.

OK. This sounds like me. I’m surprised that I was wearing a t-shirt—especially of I just woke up. I sleep naked, so I wouldn’t have already had it on and I don’t know why I’d put one on for a date. Usually, I’d just wear nothing. Since I didn’t know him, I’d probably have just put on a robe.

She took me into her mouth and did well enough to keep me very hard.

Yes. This is me alright. I know how to treat a cock with my mouth.

I pushed her hand down so that she would massage her own clit for a bit while I probed all around.

This sounds plausible. I’m not so sure about the alien invasion probing, but OK.

Eventually I went down on her – nice and clean, no odor.

Wow. Really? Who the fuck does this guy usually date if he has to comment that my pussy was nice and clean with no odor? First, a healthy pussy doesn’t have odor—except for that clean pussy smell that is as memorable as that new car smell…but not the same. Obvs. Last, if I took a quick shower, then I guess it would be nice and extra clean.

She let me work my finger tip in her backdoor, but that was the limit.

WTAF? Of course, it was the limit. Anal sex is an up-charge. Why the fuck would he expect free anal? I might mention that he never asked to finger my asshole. He just thought he was entitled to it. He’s lucky I let him anywhere near my ass. Most guys, I brush their hand away. If it’s not bothering me, I might let them do what I let him do. But, this does sound like it could have happened.

We changed positions multiple times including 69, mish, cg.

Again, OK. He probably paid for an hour. I don’t mind a couple position changes, but definitely not for short stays (which aren’t available to new clients) and half hours shouldn’t expect more than two.

For most short dates, I’ll suck your cock and you can fuck me in a position. For half hour dates, of course I’ll suck your cock if you want that, and we can do missionary and doggy or doggy and cowgirl or even better reverse cowgirl. But I don’t want to get in a million positions for short dates. I mean, what’s the purpose? Just pay for the time.

Finally, if it’s who I suspect, the last time I saw him was a week ago—last Sunday. He stayed for half an hour, and he only stayed and paid for half an hour, but he got GFE and didn’t pay for the extra.

And now this review? Let’s see how this plays out next time he’s ‘in a pinch’. Maybe, he’ll even cop and apologize.

Am I reading this wrong?


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2 thoughts on “Teamwork

  1. I don’t know, you could be taking it too seriously. When writing a review, I’m trying to accomplish a few things. First, drive traffic toward or away from a date depending on my experience. Next, give the other clients useful information. Maybe this guy was trying to do the latter and just isn’t very good at it? Or maybe trying to talk himself up just a little. In any case, I now have your recommendation for condoms.

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