Thou Shalt Not Judge

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We all know this Bible verse. Thou shalt not judge.

People forget that I’m an escort, so new guys send me emails and texts telling me, “I’m 45 and fit” or “I’m 65 but I look younger” and so on. I’m not looking for a life partner. Unless you look like Quasimodo, your money is good here. (And Quasimodo, your money’s good here, too.)

I’m a professional sex worker. Can you imagine calling for a mechanic?

“Yes. Hello. This is Roger. My car is making pinging noises. Can I make an appointment so you can check it out? By the way, I’m 45 and fit.”

“Yes, sir. And it’s a good thing you are fit or we might not have been able to fit you in, if you know what I mean. Do you have a large cock?“

“It about average.“

“You’re not just saying that, are you?“

“OK, it’s on the small side.“

“OK, then. You can pull around and use the back entrance if you like for a few dollars more.”

Right? It’s no difference. I am not judging you. I am also not judging you if you ask me to pee on you, or you want to wear a dress and have me peg your ass. I’ve probably already done it at least dozens of time. When I say I am accommodating and non-judgmental, I mean it—at least professionally speaking.

Do you have trouble getting it up or maintaining an erection? Not a problem. Do you cum in seconds? Not a problem.

But that I am not judgmental doesn’t mean I have no sense of boundaries. Do you have horrible body odor? Are you rude? Are you a low baller? Do you try to fuck my ass when you haven’t paid or even asked? Do you constantly over-extend your stay? Do you text me 90 times in a row thinking that maybe I didn’t happen to see the past 89? Do you talk smack? If you are judgmental, I can be judgmental back.

And when I ask for your photo, I am not trying to judge your appearance—unless you look sketchy or like a cop, which now that I think about it might be redundant. Why do so many of you look like cops? You make it hard for us girls. The photos are also for us to determine if you are lying about your age and for us to identify if is you on the other side of the peephole. In my case, there are literally thousands of photos of me on the internet—over 500 on my OnlyFans site alone, others here on my blog, another 60-odd videos. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for one photo of you. Your drivers license would be even better.

One guy had the balls to ask if I’d been putting on weight. Excuse me?

Speaking of weight, I have quite a few dates with guys with dad bods. I’m not judging. It’s no big deal. But the double standard thing is a bit much. You feel it’s OK to look like that but you expect your date to look like a porn star? Sometimes I feel like I qualify as a porn star with all my OnlyFans videos and content. So if you need to fuck an almost porn star, here I am.

The good thing is that when you pay for a prostitute, that’s what you are getting. I am not saying that a guy with a dad bod can’t legitimately get a hot fuck buddy without slapping down the Benjamins, but let’s just say on this fast-track, you can get what you pay for.

And that’s another thing. I hear a lot of people judging streetwalkers. For a few reasons these girls are down on their luck and can’t afford a place of their own or a decent hotel. Maybe they are recently on their own. Maybe they are escaping an abusive partner. Maybe they’ve got a chemical abuse problem. Maybe they are mentally ill. Who knows?

Unfortunately, these girls don’t charge as much because they can’t charge as much. Maybe they like what they’re doing. Maybe they don’t. Some of these girls are trying to level up from street prostitutes to escorts. If they have a mobile phone or access to a computer, they can post in the usual places and they can ask for more money. On some forums, I read posts by some guys who call these girls out. “So and so posting at KittyAds is hot and does this and that. She’s asking for $150 on the ads but I know she’ll do it for $50 on the street. I was even able to talk her down to $20.”

I know street girls who have taken $5 for a blowjob because they were so desperate for cash. If all you have is $5 for a blowjob, maybe you don’t deserve a blowjob. Thankfully, I’ve never been a streetwalker, and I’ve never given a $5 BJ. I’ve given plenty of free blowjobs, but that was before I learned that people pay for them. In the end, it all works out. I’ve had a lot of practice sucking cocks, so what you are paying for is the experience. Malcolm Gladwell wrote something about people spending 10,000 hours of practice to become virtuosos. I don’t know if I’ve done 10,000 hours of cocksucking, but I might be close. Oh, and if all you paid is $5 or even $20 to get your dick sucked, I better not hear you complaining about the level of service. Don’t be an ingrate.

And don’t fuck up another girl’s livelihood. If you can get your dick sucked for $5, good for you. Keep it as a secret to yourself. If you are only paying $5, the girl isn’t likely to be afford a room this night either unless they can find another 20 or 30 guys to suck off by the end of the day.

I’m lucky enough to have a job I like. At least I am good at it. I know how to please. If you are good with numbers, be an accountant or something. I’m not good with numbers, but I know what I am good at. I’ve never been so unlucky to be on the streets. And as the other Bible sentiment goes, there but for the grace of God go I. Don’t judge.